2 Issues...

Issue 1: Barack has returned!
Our faithful wannabe leader has made his way back to his native soil to the thundering applause of the world and domestic press, a triumphant return for the messiah! His German freestyle handjob jamboree was a major success! Unfortunately, though, it was only really a success in the minds of liberals and of course, Germans. Fortunately, the Germans don’t vote. Unfortunately, liberals do. Fortunately, liberals who were impressed by this speech in Berlin were all ready voting for Obama anyway, and any person whose vote was changed from Republican to Democrat based on a speech that spent the majority of its time kissing German ass is probably too retarded to find a polling center or know what day election the election falls on.

Of course, as the returns of the major polls show a minor bump for Obama in the best case and a miniscule one in the worst, the media and the left (one in the same) stand dumbfounded: “How is this possible?! How could he not have a major lead after speaking to 200,000 Germans!? How can McCain still be hanging around after our Savior went all the way to Germany and he went to a German restaurant in Ohio?!”

Well, douchebags, I’ve got a theory for you: Perhaps the majority of Americans aren’t impressed with a candidate for the President of the United States of America stumping for votes on foreign soil. Perhaps the average American sees going over to Germany to applaud their system and express his hope to emulate it as something less than appropriate. Perhaps, just perhaps, the average American voter could give two shits about what the fucking Germans want. I don’t know, just a guess.

But isn’t this typical of the liberals in America? They simply can’t understand why a trip to Europe isn’t cooler than a trip to Ohio! They pat themselves on the back for impressing Europeans and laugh heartily at their opponents meager attempts at campaigning on a trip to the buckeye state. They sneer at his attempts to get flyover states to consider him, while they applaud themselves for cavorting with the highclass Europeans. What a joke. Actually, the joke is funnier than that…the real joke is, while Barack was spending time and effort sucking up to the Euros for paltry gains domestically, McCain increased his lead in Ohio and continues to trend upward there. I don’t need to tell you…Ohio is key. Ohio is a serious battleground. Lose Ohio, and lose the election. But don’t tell Barack that.

**In the past week, Gallup is reporting a TIE between Obama and McCain, not only erasing gains on his trip abroad, but actually losing even more votes because of it. Nice move.

Issue 2: VP!
Speaking of Battleground States…the VP will be announced soon. Both parties are waiting patiently for the other to move first. They want their guy to be the answer to the other party’s choice. One will have to give in soon. For McCain, the choice is seriously limited by the numbers. There are several battleground states that are must wins. There is simply no way around it. At first, it seemed that McCain would need a staunch conservative to shore up his record with hardcore right wing voters, but now it appears more important that he simply look at electoral votes.

Of the states in play, Florida and Ohio are must wins. There’s simply no two ways about it. Lose either, lose the election. Ohio is looking good, but not safe. Florida has several things going McCain’s way that may serve him on election day: Jews, rednecks and old people – all of which have shown their disdain for Obama. But still, it’s not safe. So what do you do? You highly consider Florida governor Charlie Crist and former Ohio Representative Rob Portman. I know, “Who the hell is Rob Portman?” If you don’t know, here’s a link: http://blog.washingtonpost.com/thefix/2008/07/the_case_for_rob_portman.html

So, what about Pawlenty? What about Romney? To be honest, they are both still in the running, but looking solely from a numbers game, Pawlenty doesn’t offer McCain too much. Minnesota is pretty blue (at least Presidentially) and haven’t voted for a Republican candidate in decades. Naming Pawlenty as the VP doesn’t guarantee a swing in a state that is that far Dem. It may be much too much work for a mere 10 electoral votes while not helping your cause in the real battleground states. So back to Romney…he has a lot of power in Massachusetts and Michigan (he’s a native, his father was once governor there) and if he could deliver you both, McCain is looking at an additional 29 electorals that you could pretty much have disregarded prior to the appointment. But winning both states is a long shot. Maybe Mass, but Michigan…that’s a tough one. Win just Mass and you’ve got yourself in a similar situation as with Pawlenty. But what about Romney’s overall appeal and big name? That could greatly help…but it’s also offset by his Mormonism, not exactly a selling point to a hardcore Christian conservative in Florida, Georgia, S and N Carolina who are all ready a bit wary of Mr. McCain’s conservatism.

Then, there are the wildcards. The most interesting of which is Alaska governor Sarah Palin. Sure, Alaska is as red as it gets, but what does a woman on the ticket do for you? Does it sway a lot of those voters who like McCain fine, but aren’t ready to vote for another old white man? In my opinion, HELL NO. No offense to Governor Palin, but as we’ve learned from Condi Rice, it doesn’t matter if you’re a woman or a minority... if your Republican, you’re old and white and evil no matter what equipment you're carrying.

So back to Crist and Portman… You need Florida. You need Ohio. Crist comes with a ton of baggage, a lot of nasty rumors, and a moderate stance that doesn’t really appeal to far right voters even in his own state – but outside his state, he seems to be a decent pick. Portman is a Bush guy, and for the McCain camp, distancing themselves from Bush is a big thing as anyone with half a brain knows that’s what the Dems will attack immediately.

Still, Portman’s a star. Crist is another white-haired guy. Baggage like his is not what you want in this campaign. Portman gets you Ohio and helps you everywhere else. Crist gets you Florida but may hurt you everywhere else.

Thusly, the KneeDeep has chosen: Robert Portman is your Republican Vice Presidential Nominee… Now go ahead, tell me why I’m an idiot for saying so but don’t forget to tell me why and tell me who you think is a better fit.